and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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