there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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