Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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