Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
