just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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