So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
