Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
