and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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