you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
