Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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