haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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