I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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