This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
