Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
