If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
