I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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