She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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