Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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