I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
