you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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