Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize