Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
