do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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