gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
