9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
