The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
