sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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