Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
