First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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