So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
