Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
