I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
