You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
