Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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