Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize