somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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