my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
