The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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