You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
