We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
