dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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