i would punch a child for taco bell
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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