does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
