Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
