Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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