She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
