Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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