He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
