Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I touched a dick in church today
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
