so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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