How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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