i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
