is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize