Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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