we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we're making bets on your personal life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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