you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think your dad took our porno
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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