dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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