I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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