btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
