i permit you to call me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize