oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
