from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
