I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
