Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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