the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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