question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
