I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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