my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
