Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
