Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
