I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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