i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
