this boner is exhausting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
