Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
