I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize